Sunday, July 26, 2009

She's Gone! She's Gone!

Sarah Palin is officially the EX governor of Alaska. I might have some more concrete thoughts later, but for now, I'd like to offer a "quote" from the book I mentioned earlier, Hail to the Chiefs. When wrapping up the section on Grover Cleveland, the author quotes the San Francisco Examiner from March 4, 1897. Putting in "Palin" instead of "Cleveland":

"The sky is blue, the birds sing, and the joy is unconfined. It is
the last day of the Palin administration."

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Solution To Sarah Palin's Money Problems


Did you know, Governor (it's still "governor", right?) that money only has value because the government says it does? Only the word of a trusted authority (such as the word of Her Sexiness the Governor of Alaska) gives it value.
And it technically isn't illegal to print your own money, provided you aren't trying to pass it off as genuine national currency. Check out this article on local currency and an example.

I've even included a potential design for a bill:

(click the bills for their larger versions)

Now, a little explanation.

* $58 is the per-diem payment
* 28 is the age when She became council member; 32, mayor of Wasilla; 42, governor; 48, President of the United States.
* 59,934,814 are the number of votes She received in John McCain's name.
* The microprinting around Her portrait is Her message: YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME.
* In line with that, the portrait is one of Her hottest, at least as far as official portraits go.
* On the right of the obverse is the logo of the AIP.

What do you think, gov? If you want me to change things...or send you $1.9 million's worth...let me know!

To Steal An Idea From Fareed Zakaria...

I'd like to recommend a book (to who, I don't know! :) ): Hail to the Chiefs: Presidential Mischief, Morals, and Malarkey from George W. to George W. by Barbara Holland. A humorous take on all the presidents from 1 to 43, it's one of my favorites. Holland does not play favorites, and points out the silliness of every president.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Gospel of Power

I was watching Rachel Maddow yesterday when I heard something so batshit insane my head nearly exploded.

First, a little background. I mentioned earlier that I toyed with writing “The Gospel of Sarah Palin”. I also mentioned that I came up with its central message. That message would have been: “He who believes that Sarah Palin is the divine Daughter of God who came to earth to save us, not only will you go to heaven, but you can commit any ‘sin’ you like knowing that you are Saved.” I was also going to write a “treatment” for a censored, Republican Bible, that would have been posted today.

It turns out I’ve been beaten to the punch, sort of.

While discussing the John Ensign sex scandal, Rachel invited on Jeff Sharlet, the author of a book called The Family, describing the “C Street House” of which Ensign was a member. (Note: the link is to page 3 of the excerpt, which is all politics and friggin terrifying)

Also itself called “The Family,” the group of conservative “christian” [sic] politicians was founded by a man named Abraham Vereide who believed that he had been given a new revelation by God: the point of Christianity is not to help people, but to give more power to the powerful, and to those chosen for leadership, the normal rules do not apply.

In fact, the leader once asked someone, "If I heard you raped 3 little girls, what should I think of you?" Someone said, "You should think I am a monster." He replied, "No, for you are one of the Chosen, so the normal rules do not apply."

This is nuts. In the past, I wondered if certain christian politicians actually thought this way—especially Palin, though she isn’t involved in this group. But even I thought it was insane! They couldn’t really believe that “Christians are Exempt; they’re just fools, or perhaps non-religious people pretending to be evangelicals in order to get votes. A story, which I was sort-of toying with would satirically point out their idiocy and/or lies by pretending that they actually believed Christians are Exempt.


I risk sounding a little loony myself, I think, but the spirit of Satan is among these people. That’s the nicest way I can put it.

Monday, July 6, 2009

The Coming Messiahette

(c) Runner's World

Ah, Sarah Palin. The hottest and nuttiest politician in the United States, if not the world. And her latest nuttiness is her Friday resignation as governor (effective at the end of the month). Unfortunately for Alaska, she's robbed them of their only chance to live her down (by impeachment, recall, etc.).

Like most people, I don’t know what to make of this. I don’t get it. Shit must be about to hit the fan. There’s so much that could take Sarah down: her quid pro quo house, getting paid to stay at that house, the (remote) possibility that Trig isn’t her child, and that she endangered his life. And so on.

My mom is dead certain that she’s been nailing the LtGov and he's blackmailing her.

But I’m not going to speculate, or at least not here. I have another reason for this post.

I am not the first to notice that Sarah seems to have cult-member-like followers. These people loyally do whatever she asks, defend her every mistake, and think she’s the greatest potential POTUS since Abraham Lincoln, if not Washington. She’s even been compared to the Biblical figures of Deborah and Esther. I don’t really know the story of Deb, but I once read the whole “Book of Esther.” Basically, Esther saved the Jewish people from a Holocaust, circa 500 BCE.

So apparently, Palinites think Obama’s sending them to the gas chambers. Whatever.

Well, I decided to mock all this. What would a religion centered around Sarah Palin actually be like? I sat down and tried to write the “Gospel of Sarah Palin,” in which Sarah is the Messiah. I got nowhere, even though I came up with the gospel’s central message..

Then, this happened.

The Palinites are still rallying around her (or is that “Her”?). From comments on “The Immoral Minority” blog:
“Palin's political career is "OVER". C4P [] is having a prayer vigil, and reading form the bible. They're all wet from jumping into some river with a guy named moses. Desperation plus. We deserve an apoligy [sic] from these idiots.”
“’[T]echno’, one of the most hardcore supporters at C4P, just commented there: ‘Folks, just remember Sarah is prepared to go into the wilderness to save America from Obama's radical socialist agenda; the least we can do is to stand by her always and be prepared to fight to the death for her.’”

(Anonymous@7:44 PM and Patrick)
In case you didn’t know, “wilderness” is a reference to the 40 days Jesus Christ spent in the desert, where He was tempted by Satan. And “Fight to the death”? What the ____ is Sarah planning, a revolution?

Anyway, I’ve been inspired by this outburst of Crusader zeal, so I have written this updated version of the Lord’s it “The Lady’s Prayer”:

Our Mother who art in Alaska,
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy presidency come.
Thy will be done,
In Washington, as it is in Wasilla;
Give us this day our daily bread,
Not a handout, but via the forces of trickle-down economics;
And forgive us our sins,
As Thou ruthlessly destroy those who sin against us;
And deliver us straight into temptation,
With Thy tight dresses and fuck-me pumps;
For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory forever, you betcha!

- Matthew (R-Galilee) 6:9-13

I guess we’re at the “Temptation of Christ” phase for Sarah: She’s forgoing power in order to do Her duty as Messiah.

By this analogy, the crucifixion is the campaign in 2012; the resurrection is Her election. So will it’ll be a three-day recount? The will of God be done.

I just hope the will of God is to have her career implode.

Hello World!

“Who am I? What am I doing here?”

I'm not talking about existential philosophy (at least not now). These are practical questions.

I am a 20-year-old male from the North Bay region (Santa Rosa-Sonoma-Napa-Fairfield, CA). For no good reason, I'm not comfortable giving out my real name. My initials are "GJW", if you care.

I'm here for the simple reason that I need somewhere to "vent" and to give my ideas an audience (please let there be an audience). I write a lot, and have some stories/ideas that need a place to be "published" before my head explodes.I don't like to get halfway through a blog only to find that I'm reading someone I absolutely don't agree with, as I get annoyed easily, so I'll be straightforward with you: I'm a liberal blogger. I'm sure you must be shocked.

I’m a fan of Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow, though I seem to be the only liberal who is willing to admit that MSNBC has a bit of a “bias”. So does everyone. You have to read/listen to/watch multiple sources to find the truth. That said, I can’t watch FOX long enough to get anything out of it. I’ve stopped trying. In any case, the Republicans have had FOX for 13 years, so the Dems should be allowed their own network, too.

I've been political my entire life. When I was 7, my mom took me to the Democratic HQ in town and I got a Bill Clinton button. I still have it. Later, my mom let me punch out the card for Clinton, and for other 1996 office-seekers I don't remember. I’m a progressive in regards to most everything.

I'm also very religious, a Christian who is fed up with churches that are fronts for the Republican Party. And I am fed up with churches doing the bidding of corporations and the wealthy. I believe that every religion has a view of the Truth, though I have faith that my religion has the best picture. I do not read the Bible literally.

I’m attending a local community college and will transfer to a CSU next spring. I am very interested in statistics and will likely become a stats major, with a minor in polisci or history. I have, if I may say so myself, extensive knowledge of American history, especially Presidents. My favorites are the ones between Jackson and Lincoln, though only because they’re usually passed over by historians. I believe Andrew Jackson was our least mentally stable president, though from a fictional standpoint I think he’d be a joy to write. Chet Arthur is probably my overall favorite.

I still live with my parents, though I’m not blogging from their basement. I’m in the attic, which is of course entirely different. There are five cats and two dogs in this house, though only one—a cat, Maggie—can be called “mine.” Of course, being a cat, she really owns me.

In this blog you'll find my thoughts on politics, religion, and other subjects, usually with a dose of humor (at least, I hope you all find it funny...). I don’t know how often I’ll post or what I’ll post, but I hope that I’ll be able to do it frequently.

In the meantime, enjoy the blog!


(Can you see why I’ve given myself that name?)